The way I Loved You
by GoDale13
Summary: Songfic,Ziva's boyfriend of six months proposes, but she needs time to think. He's the perfect man, but perfect isn't what she wants. Set during the 4th season. Most of the 4th season has changed, and the 5th-6th seasons don't exist Complete
1. Chapter 1

_Here's a little song fic for you. I may add a chapter or two later on, if you guys would like to have one. Just give me a yell and tell me what you think. Hope you enjoy it_

_The song is "That's the way I loved you" by Taylor Swift. _

Ziva sat in her living room staring at the lavish ring on her left ring finger. Her mind thought back to when Tommy, her boyfriend of six months, had proposed. Even she was drawn to how romantic the night had been.

_**Flashback**_

Tommy picked her up at her apartment. "You look more beautiful than ever," he said when she opened the door. "Are you ready?" he asked his eyes still looking over Ziva's figure. He had told her to dress nice, so she decided to wear a simple, yet elegant, blue dress that hung slightly above her knees. It hug her figure just enough, but it still allowed her room to breathe.

"Are you going to tell me where we are going?" Ziva smiled, grabbing her purse and walking out of the apartment.

"Now, you know that that would ruin the surprise," Tommy grinned back at her as she slipped her arm into his.

_He is sensible and so incredible  
And all my single friends are jealous  
He says everything I need to hear and it's like  
I couldn't ask for anything better_

"Abby was asking about you today," Ziva said as they walked to his car. "She still cannot believe she introduced the two of us."

"I will have to thank her for that the next time I see her," Tommy said, reaching out and opening the passenger side door for Ziva to get in. "She introduced me to one of the most beautiful woman I have ever met," he said, giving her a gentle kiss.

_  
He opens up my door and I get into his car  
And he says you look beautiful tonight  
And I feel perfectly fine_

Tommy had taken her to her favorite Italian restaurant and, in between the main course and dessert, he dropped to his knee and proposed. Everyone around the couple froze and watched the scene. It was a perfect night, except for one thing: Ziva was not prepared for it and asked for time to think about it.

_**End Flashback**_

Ziva sighed as she lay back against the back of her couch. It would have been so easy to have said yes, but she knew her heart was not there. The moment Tommy bent down on his knee Ziva's mind went into overdrive. She knew what he was doing, and for a moment she felt scared. No, Ziva chastised herself. She wasn't scared, she knew the answer but knee it was the opposite of what Tommy expected.

Ziva had tried to make herself fall for Tommy, but the longer she dated him, the more she longed for what she had lost.

_**A Year Ago**_

"Why must you make everything so difficult?" Ziva yelled at the man standing in front of her.

"Oh, I'M making it difficult?" Tony fumed. "You are the one that refused to do anything I said today," he retorted.

"You are taking this team leader thing to your…" Ziva tried to find the right saying, but gave up trying. "Whatever," she huffed. "Just because Gibbs left and put you in charge does not mean you have to try to be like him," she repeated the same phrase she'd uttered for well over a month.

"You don't think I realize that," Tony yelled as the rain began to fall without either noticing. "I'm doing the best I can," he told her.

"Do better," Ziva told him, wiping her hair out of her eyes as she looked at him.

"I am doing the best that I can do," Tony replied finally, causing Ziva to throw her hands up in defeat and turn to leave. Suddenly feeling the urge to stop her, Tony reached out and grabbed Ziva's arm turning her back to face him. Tony looked at her. He saw the warning in her eyes, mixed with the frustration he'd grown used to seeing, but there was also something else there. He couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was, but his gut told him he knew what it was. Allowing his gut to take over, Tony pulled Ziva closer to him and brought his face down to meet her's in a fierce, passionate kiss. He knew Ziva could easily kill him for it, but Tony did not care. He'd wanted to do this since the moment he first met her almost two years ago, but never had a chance.

When the two pulled away, Tony embraced for some retaliation from Ziva, but received nothing. "Why did you do that?" she asked, slightly out of breath. Neither made to move away from the other.

"Followed my gut," Tony replied honestly, smiling down at her.

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name  
You're so in love that you act insane  
And that's the way I loved you

They agreed to keep it out of the office; it would not look right for the team leader to be dating one of his team members. Abby and McGee had their suspicions, but neither voiced them in front of Tony or Ziva.

_**Present Time**_

Ziva sighed out loud. It only lasted two months, but she still could not forget the moments when they were together. Every since then, she and Tony did not have the same work dynamic they shared before Gibbs returned. There was something hidden that kept the two at a distance.

_  
Breakin' down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kinda rush  
And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you_

Only she knew the true reasons behind her dating Tommy. He was everything she wanted Tony to be. Tommy put Ziva on a pedestal and was perfect. He knew when to back off and leave her alone, and when to push the issue and get Ziva to open up. Tommy understood Ziva better than anyone. He never lied to her about where he was. Ziva was surprised that even her mother and father loved Tommy.

_  
He respects my space  
And never makes me wait  
And he calls exactly when he says he will  
He's close to my mother  
Talks business with my father  
He's charming and endearing  
And I'm comfortable_

Ziva groaned. She realized the reason she couldn't marry Tommy: he was too perfect. There were no character flaws that she could see, and she did not like that. Too many times, Ziva had tried to start an argument, but Tommy would just drop the subject and tell her they'd talk about it later when she was in a better mood.

That wasn't what she wanted though. She wanted someone who would stand up to her and yell just as loud. Someone who would give her hell for going against the norm. Someone who was as stubborn headed as she was. She wanted someone who brought movies over every night and gave a full commentary of each, not someone who shushed her before she even opened her mouth.

"Damn you, Tony," Ziva muttered under her breath when she threw a pillow across the room, knocking over a pile of dvds she had yet to put up. When she looked up at the clock, she realized it was almost 2 a.m. Swearing under her breath some more, Ziva decided to try to get some sleep before going to work in five hours.

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name  
You're so in love that you act insane  
And that's the way I loved you  
Breakin' down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kinda rush  
And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you

Ziva awoke to the sound of her alarm going off, and for once in her life wanted to reach over and hit the snooze button. Deciding against it, Ziva grumbled as she forced herself out of the bed and into the shower. When she emerged from the shower, Ziva heard knocking on her door, and looked to see Tommy on the other side.

"I thought maybe I could give you a ride to work today, and then I could take you out for lunch on your break," Tommy suggested.

"You know how unpredictable my work schedule is," Ziva replied.

"If it doesn't work out for lunch, then I can wait for dinner," Tommy offered. "I'll wait all week if I have to," he said, and Ziva gave him a smile that only she knew was half-hearted.

"Let me get dressed," she said, allowing him into her apartment.

When Tommy pulled up to the NCIS building, Ziva leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss. "See you later," she told him before hurrying out of the car and into the building before he had a chance to reply.

He can't see the smile I'm faking  
And my heart's not breaking  
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

Ziva walked into the bullpen and threw her backpack on the floor behind her desk with a loud sigh.

"Someone had a rough night," she heard Tony say from behind his desk. She did not reply, instead she shot him a death glare and sunk into her chair. "Have a row with your boyfriend?" Tony continued.

"If you must know, Tommy and I had the most perfect date I have ever been on. He took me to Metatoni's," Ziva saw the flicker in Tony's eye at the mention of his favorite restaurant, "and he proposed to me," she finished, holding up her left hand to show Tony, registering the pure shock in his face.

Regaining his senses, Tony cleared his throat, "Well, I guess congratulations are in store than."

"I haven't said yes," Ziva said, catching Tony's eyes for the first time in what seemed like forever. "I told him I needed to think."

'I'm still in love with you,' she thought to herself as she looked towards him, hoping he couldn't read her thoughts.

_  
And you were wild and crazy  
Just so frustrating intoxicating  
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now_

Tony sat staring at the Israeli woman in front of him, shocked at what she just said. Timmy, Johnny, or whatever the hell his name was just proposed to her. Somewhere deep inside, Tony cursed himself for allowing her to slip away from him.

_**Nine Months Ago**_

Ziva stood stunned at the proposition Tony had just laid out in front of her. "So let me get this straight. You think we should take a break, just because Gibbs is back?" Ziva asked the man in front of her who constantly avoided her eyes.

"We never should have started whatever you want to call this," Tony told her. "We need to focus on our jobs, not on a relationship," he said. "Besides, we need to be a good team right now; at least until we are sure that Gibbs is back to his normal self."

In reality, Tony needed to end their relationship in order to follow through with Director Shepard's orders to seduce Jeanne Benoit. Luckily, Tony managed to finish the mission of finding and capturing Jeanne's father, Rene Benoit, aka La Grenouile, within four months. However, the damage had already been done to his and Ziva's relationship with each other. She was already seeing someone else, and seemed to be getting pretty serious with him.

_**Present**_

Tony stood up from his desk and walked out of the bullpen, not even acknowledging Gibbs as he walked by. He needed to think. Needed to let his brain figure out what was going on. Ziva's news rang through his head like a loud bell, and it refused to go away. There had to be a way to stop all of this, he thought as the elevator doors closed behind him.

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name  
I'm so in love that I acted insane  
And that's the way I loved you  
Breaking down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kinda rush  
And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh

And that's the way I loved you oh, oh  
Never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you


	2. Chapter 2

_Here's the next chapter for you. I'll update as quickly as possible, but I just had knee surgery Friday, so I'm slowly becoming myself again._

_Oh, and I guess I should have told last chapter, but this is set during the fourth season. I'm sure ya'll can figure out what has and hasn't happened from the actual show._

_Enjoy!_

Ziva watched as Tony stormed out of the bullpen. She knew it had something to do with what she just told him, but still did not know how to react. He was the one that broke it off between the two of them. He made it clear that anything more than a professional relationship between the two would hinder their abilities at work. So, why was he upset that any man could have the nerves to propose to her?

Gibbs stopped in front of Ziva's desk and studied her face for a moment, without Ziva even realizing he was there. When he spoke, Ziva almost jumped out of her chair. "Care to explain why one of my agents just walked out of the bullpen without saying a word to me?" Gibbs asked her.

Ziva opened her mouth to say something, but she was speechless. She knew this time would come, but she figured she would have a chance to tell him out of the office. Instead, she let her frustration from the past twelve hours get to her, and she stuck her foot in her mouth.

"I don't know what happened between the two of you while I was gone, but you damn better figure it out soon," Gibbs glared down at her. Ziva looked at Gibbs for a moment, wanting to say something, but knew better of it. "Since we don't have a case right now, go, figure this out," Gibbs told her, nodding towards the elevator where Tony had disappeared. "I don't want to see either of you until this is figured out," he said as she hurried out of the bullpen.

McGee sat at his desk, he'd been witness to everything, but his brain was having a hard time deciphering everything. After telling Gibbs, he headed down to Abby's lab to tell her what just happened.

"We were right," Abby grinned, when McGee finished his replay of the events up in the bullpen. "There was something going on between the two. They did a good job of covering it up thought," she thought aloud.

"Well, something happened between the two, if Ziva is now engaged to Tommy," McGee pointed out.

"He asked her, she hasn't said yes," Abby pointed out. No matter how happy she was that Ziva had been dating a guy who Abby introduced to her, she still rather have Ziva with Tony. They were just a perfect pair, although they hadn't realized it yet. Abby thought back to about the time she introduced Ziva and Tommy, as she paced around the room. "I got it!" Abby exclaimed, swinging around to face McGee. "Remember the change we noticed between the two just about the time Tony started his undercover mission?" Abby asked.

"He couldn't tell anyone that Jeanne was only a mission," McGee realized. "He must have stopped things with Ziva about that time."

"And before he could tell anyone, Ziva was already dating Tommy," Abby finished. "It's all my fault. I knew I shouldn't have introduced the two of them when I did," she chastised herself.

"You couldn't have known," McGee consoled.

"What are we going to do, McGee?" Abby asked. "We have to fix this," she said.

"Let them try first," the two heard Gibbs say from the doorway. "They need to learn to deal with their own problems," he told them.

**Ziva**

Ziva hurried out to the parking lot, and saw a glimpse of Tony's car flying out into the street. Swearing under her breath, Ziva ran to her car. She had no chance of catching up with Tony, she knew that. But, if she knew him well enough, she knew where she could find him.

Pulling up to the bar only two blocks from Tony's apartment, Ziva spotted Tony's mustang parked on the roadside. Parking two cars away, Ziva walked into the bar, looking around for Tony and finding him sitting at the far corner of the bar.

"You should be at work," Ziva said, slipping onto the barstool beside him.

"So should you," Tony replied, taking another drink from the bottle he held in his hand. "Or did you get the day off to 'think' about getting married?" he said, the liquor already making him braver than he was.

Ziva just looked at Tony; she knew how he was when he got drunk. Yet, she did not think he had had time to drink enough. "Tony, we need to talk," she said, choosing to ignore his last comment.

"There's nothing left to talk about. You moved on, found the perfect man," Tony said, and Ziva was shocked to hear him say that. "Oh, don't act all surprised," he said, rolling his eyes. "Every woman in the office is jealous of you. They talk about Tommy like he was the best thing ever created on earth."

"Yes, Tommy is the most perfect man that I have ever met," Ziva said, and Tony snorted. "But, he is too perfect for me," she continued. "If you so much as sneeze during a movie, he goes ballistic. We never fight, and it drives me up the halls… no walls," she corrected herself and spotted a slight smile creep onto Tony's face. "I just need time to think. This past year has been too chaotic, and I just need to step back and think," she continued quietly. "I need time to breath," she said, catching his eyes for the first time since she walked in.

Tony heard the begging in her voice, and turned to look at the woman sitting next to him. Studying her eyes, Tony realized he was looking at the true woman behind the mask Ziva carried at work. He'd only seen this side of his partner a few times before, and knew these were precious times. Looking into Ziva's dark brown eyes, Tony felt his frustration disappear. Somewhere inside of him, Tony felt the urge to forget about his problems.

"Just tell me what I can do," Tony spoke up after a moment.

Ziva looked at him for a moment. She knew what she wanted Tony to do: she wanted him to take her in his arms and help her forget. She wanted him to tell her everything would be okay. But, she knew that that would only make the situation worse.

"Forget the past year every happened," Ziva finally answered after taking a deep breath. "I miss the bickering, the give and take," she told him. "I want things to go back to normal between the two of us."

"Deal," Tony said, holding out his hand for her to shake. "So, how long did Gibbs give us to return or work?" he asked, changing the subject.

Ziva told Tony what Gibbs had said after Tony stormed out of the office. "If it had been anyone else, I would almost swear there was a slightly amused look in his eyes," Ziva told Tony, thinking back.

"There's more to that man than we will ever understand," Tony told her, as he pulled his wallet out from his back pocket. "I ought to get back before the Probie goes into Gibbs-overload," he said. "Take the rest of the day off," Tony suggested. "I'll cover for you. Go see Tommy, figure this all out," Tony said, looking anywhere but into Ziva's eyes. He didn't want her to see the hurt in his eyes, or the want.

Ziva did not answer; instead she sat there as Tony walked out of the bar. Of course, Tony had not listened to a word she'd said. She implied that she didn't want to marry Tommy, but Tony had not understood. Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe Tony did not care anymore, she thought to herself. Maybe whatever they had had a year ago was gone.

After a few minutes, Ziva let out a sigh, and headed out the door. She needed to figure this all out, or what she asked of Tony could not happen.


	3. Chapter 3

Ziva walked into her apartment. After leaving the bar, Ziva called Tommy and he was going to come over when he got off work. Ziva knew what she needed to tell him, but she didn't know how to say it. He'd been wonderful the last six months, Ziva thought as she unconsciously played with the ring on her left hand. Looking out the window of her apartment, Ziva concluded one thing: Tommy deserved someone so much better than her.

The four hours Ziva had to wait seemed to drag by. By one o'clock, Ziva was tired of thinking, and did anything but think. She went for a run, but it only opened up a new train of thought. After taking a shower, Ziva set to work on cleaning up around the apartment. She'd kept it relatively clean, but it was due time for an all-out cleaning.

Ziva had just finished re-organizing her bookshelf, when there was a knock on her door. Looking at the clock as she made her way over, she realized it was already time for Tommy to come over. Sure enough, when Ziva opened the door, she saw him standing on the other side. The man was nervous, Ziva could easily tell.

"Hi," Tommy smiled at Ziva.

"Hi," Ziva replied, moving to let Tommy walk in. "Would you like something to drink?" she asked.

"No, I'm fine, thanks," Tommy said, following Ziva to the couch.

Ziva looked at Tommy for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she opened her mouth to say something, but Tommy beat her to it.

"You don't have to say anything," he said, smiling dejectedly. "I knew from the start that it was only a matter of time," he explained. "Every time you mentioned anything about Tony, I could tell a difference in you. You're always so animated when you walk about those you work with, but there was something different when you mentioned his name. Your eyes went distant. Abby warned me when she first introduced us that there had been something between you and him, but she didn't know to what extent. I had hoped it was in the past," he gave Ziva a half-hearted smile, "but a part of me always knew."

Ziva sat stunned at what the man in front of her had just said. "I never meant to hurt you," she began. "You deserve a woman that can give you her whole heart, her whole everything. I am not that woman. I do not have my heart to give you," she told him. "I did not know that until the other night." During their conversation, Ziva had slipped the engagement ring off her finger, and now she reached for Tommy's hand, and gently laid it on his palm. "There is a woman out there who has her whole heart ready for you. She deserves this ring so much more than me."

As Tommy stood to leave, he said, "I hope you find every happiness," and bent down slightly to give Ziva a soft peck on her cheek before turning and walking to the door.

**NCIS**

Tony sat at his desk, seemingly doing paperwork, but in reality his brain was in full drive thinking about the Israeli woman whose empty desk seemed to haunt him. When he returned to the office, the look on Gibbs face was contrast of itself: it was a half-glare, half-amused/curious look. What was even stranger was the fact that Gibbs seemed to believe the story Tony gave about where Ziva was.

Now Tony sat at his desk, trying to keep himself from calling Ziva. Ever since their conversation at the bar, Tony had been thinking about what she said. He'd been willing to try to give them another try, but Ziva made it clear that she didn't need any more to worry about.

"_I just need time to think. This past year has been too chaotic, and I just need to step back and think. I need time to breath," _Ziva had said.

Tony decided that he would give her time and space, yet he'd still be there close enough to catch her when she needed it. He'd made a promise to make everything normal between them, and that was exactly what he planned to do until Ziva was ready.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs barked, "Do you plan on answering the telephone anytime today?" he asked, and Tony realized his cell phone was ringing in his hand.

"Sorry, Boss," Tony said as he fumbled with his phone to open it. "DiNozzo," he answered.

"What time is Gibbs letting you leave tonight?" Tony heard Ziva ask from the other side of the line.

"As soon as I finish this paperwork," he said, standing up and walking away from Gibbs and McGee. "Did you talk to him?" he asked quietly.

"When you finish your paperwork, pick up a pizza and come by," Ziva said. "I rented some movies for us to watch this weekend."

Tony could not hide the smile that crept on to his face. "I'll be finished in an hour," he told her before hanging up.

When Tony returned from talking to whoever was on the phone, Gibbs cocked an eyebrow at the determination Tony had in finishing the paperwork on his desk.

"DiNozzo, we've done enough today, why don't you call it a day," Gibbs said from his desk.

"You sure, Boss?" Tony asked. "I can be done in an hour."

"Go before I change my mind," Gibbs said. "The paperwork can wait till Monday."

Tony turned his computer off, and grabbed his bag, standing up from his desk. "See you Monday, Boss."

"Since when did you become such a romantic?" Jenny asked, walking up behind Gibbs.

"They have what we never had a chance to find," Gibbs told her.

**Ziva's Apartment**

"That was fast," Ziva said as she opened the door for Tony to walk in with the pizza box.

"Boss told me I could leave early," he said, setting the pizza box down on the table and turning around to face her.

"I told Tommy he deserved a woman who could give him her whole heart, and that I never had one to give him," Ziva said. "I want to try again, but this time I want to make it work," she told Tony as she slowly walked towards him.

"I think I can live with that," Tony said, putting his hand on Ziva's waist and pulling her closer.

Ziva slipped her arms around Tony's neck and pulled his head closer to her. When their lips met, it sealed the promise. They knew the moment they connected that this time was different. This time they were meant for each other.


End file.
